Going For A Ride

I am quite proud of the fact that in my 27 years on this planet, the closest I have come to owning a car was when I rented one for 2 weeks this past summer. Unfortunately, lacking such a possession means that transportation can be a bit of an issue at times. Since my apartment is on the southern-most part of the city, getting into or out of town can be a bit of an adventure. Here, I shall break down most of the possible options.

Option 1: The Heel-Toe Express

This mode of transportation is possibly the most reliable. It is a much better option when walking from home to town, as the entire trip is downhill. Although, if returning home by walking, it is possible to enjoy a nice tall can of adult beverage along the way, as drinking in public is hardly discouraged. This mode of transportation has a few downfalls, however. It is usually the slowest way to get from one place to another, taking approximately one hour. If that weren't enough, there are more than a few of what you can call potholes, but I prefer the term craters (also, at least two holes in the sidewalk that crosses the bridge over the Tuul River). Finally, walking is really limited to the May-September range, as temperatures start to dip below freezing in October, and drop well below -35 in the winter.

Option 2: The Bus

The bus has one splendid advantage, it costs 400 Tugrug (about 37 cents) to ride. The ride is heated in the winter, and one doesn't have to walk. There are a few general drawbacks to the bus. Not the least of which is that you are so packed in, you begin to envy a canned sardine for the amount of space allotted to it. There are two types of bus rides in Ulaanbaatar. I dub the first of these "The Dead Mule". This ride takes so long it can actually be faster to walk.... seriously. the bus runs mostly on the power of gravity, which doesn't help very much when it takes frequent breaks for up to 5 min. to wait for every possible passenger, even though there's another bus just 150 meters behind. The second type of bus ride is known as the "Bat Out of Hell" ride. This driver has a death wish, passing every car on the road, and failing to even come to a complete stop at any of it's scheduled bus stops. I have twice been on a bus that had to detour to a gas station, and even once had to help push the bus to get there.

Of course, buses aren't nearly as well organized in Ulaanbaatar as, say, anywhere in North America. To begin with, there is no maximum capacity. I have had, much to my dismay on several occasions, another individual sit on my lap, or decide to have me hold their item (parcel, box, giant bag of firewood, etc.). Also, you don't exactly pay as you get on the bus. You simply board the bus, and wait for someone to come and collect your toll. Also, if you have to transfer, that will cost you an additional 400 tugrug.

Option 3: The Real Taxi

There are 2 types of taxis here. The metered taxi (Real Taxi) and then there's the fake taxi... I'll get to that in a minute.

A metered taxi is actually one of the worst possible options for someone who lives here. If you are visiting, not such a bad choice. I have not yet met a real taxi driver who speaks a lick of English. Thankfully, I have learned a limited amount of Mongolian. Unfortunately, as a foreigner, I get charged the White Man's price. This is roughly 5 times the cost that a Mongolian would get charged. On the plus side, they do actually take the best possible route, and know where pretty much anything is. Also they are excellent drivers, and handle the chaotic traffic with immense skill.

Option 4: The Fake Taxi

This is my preferred means of transportation. To be clear, a fake taxi is not a taxi at all. It is actually just some random individual who decides to give you a ride in exchange for money. This is a much cheaper option than a real taxi. To hail a fake taxi, one simply has to stand at the side of the road, and put their arm out. Remember to keep you arm below your shoulder or no one will stop.

Predicting who will pick you up is not an exact science, but over time you start to see some probabilities. The more expensive a car is, the less likely you are to be picked up. Rarely a car with two occupants will ever stop. The less likely a vehicle is to survive the next bump in the road (and there are many), the greater your chances are to have a ride. I have on several occasions been in a car that has run out of gas just a couple of blocks from where I got in. These are not hard and fast rules, as I have been in several Mercedes, and relatively new Honda.... um I'm not sure what the name of them are, but they are about the size and shape of a refrigerator box. There's also a bit of a guessing game. AS we are often out in groups of 3 or more, someone has to take the front seat. As the person who tends to speak and understand Mongolian the best of my compadres, guess who gets this privilege. Since all cars are imported directly from another country, many of the vehicles come from the roads of Japan. Mongolians don't drive on the left side of the road, so this means jumping into traffic to enter the car.

I have met many an excellent driver who gets us to our destination without incident or fear for my life. Many are very honest about the cost of the ride (about 45 cents/km). On the other hand there is a completely different type of driver. This driver is in a big rush. Somehow they always seem to drive some sort of Japanese car, which is a very important aspect to this ride. Let me draw you a picture.

You get into the car (in traffic since the door is on the left side of the car). You discover the driver speaks a decent amount of English, as many young people do. This is of little advantage once the ride begins. The driver slams the gas pedal to the floor, crushing you into the the soft faux-fur seat cover. All of a sudden, you start thinking about every mistake you ever made in life., and how this seems to be your punishment for the collection. There is no longer anything that resembles a rule of the road. Finally you see a red light coming, and think "Here's my chance to get out." No dice. He's not stopping. He pushes his way through the cross traffic, which is moving at a whopping 4 km/h. After you think you need to replace your pants for the fourth time, it gets better. The driver starts entering oncoming traffic.... at 70 km/h. Of course, only half of the car is actually in oncoming traffic, as a 2 lane artery can accommodate up to 3.5 cars across... apparently the lines are only there to show the direction of traffic. The most terrifying part of half of the car going into the wrong lane of traffic is that it is YOUR side of the car that is facing the rushing automobiles. Just when you thought you could take no more, he starts making left or right hand turns across 2 lanes of traffic without even slowing down. When you finally arrive at your destination, you are prepared to pay just about anything for him delivering you alive. I love these rides.

On a side note, a friend has asked that I mention that we had to cancel recess at school due to an invasion of horses.